Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

My husband and I are at year seven of our 10-year plan where my husband will pivot his career to harbor pilot. He’s been in the maritime industry and a ship captain for years and has effectively maxed out his earning potential. He’s now entering the three-year apprenticeship program, after which he can expect an annual income of $375,000 for two years, increasing to $550,000 per year with annual cost of living increases.

But now that we’re here, I’m incredibly nervous. During the three-year program, we will live exclusively on my income of $140,000 per year.

Until now, we’ve lived on a combined income of about $270,000 per year in a high cost of living area. We have effectively zero retirement savings; we pay about $6,000 a month for daycare for our youngest two children, and $800 a month for before- and after-school care for our 2nd grader. We have no debt beyond our mortgage ($3,000/month) and one car, and four months of emergency savings in a high-yield savings account.

We are almost down to one child in daycare, which will help. And I’ve had two promotions in two years and am working towards another, but it’s still frightening. Both of us are in our late 30s, so we’re very aware of lost time on retirement savings. We also want to be positioned to help our children as they enter adulthood in an increasingly difficult landscape. Is this a foolish decision? And what should we prioritize when his income increases?

—Now or Never, Nerves and All

Dear Now or Never,

It doesn’t sound like a foolish decision. It sounds like the two of you have been diligently following a plan for years, but now that plan is about to get real. You’re in the middle of a nerve-wracking moment.

Living on your income alone will definitely be tight. And it’s not just about the money—that responsibility is a big mental load for one person to carry, too. Is your budget prepared for this? It might help to conduct a spending audit and look for some expenses to cut. It sounds like the two of you are planners, so I might be preaching to the choir here, but cutting those big expenses, like childcare, would give you so much relief. Is there a cheaper option you’re willing to look at for childcare? The answer might be a firm no, but if you could reduce that expense by even 10 percent, it would give you significantly more breathing room and ease some of the anxiety that comes with being the sole breadwinner.

You’re also right to be concerned about retirement. When it comes to long-term savings, time is a huge resource, and if you don’t have anything saved yet, you’ve already lost some of that resource. If you have an employer 401(k) match, you should certainly be taking advantage of that. Beyond that, even $50 a month in a retirement account is better than nothing. But this is a financially precarious time for you; only contribute if it doesn’t up your stress levels or put you at risk of going into debt. But your retirement savings should probably be the top priority once your husband’s income increases. You’ll want to max out both of your workplace plans and look into backdoor Roth contributions. But with the income you’re expecting, you should be able to catch up faster than you think. With a dual income of $500,000 or more, you could be saving well into six figures annually.

As for the other savings goals, think stability first. Rebuild and expand your emergency fund. Get your retirement savings on track. Then decide what you want to do for your kids, such as start 529 college savings plans, which are the go-to option for many families. But right now, the best thing you can do for your family is to keep a solid financial foundation.

Of course, this works if everything goes as planned. We’re living in precarious times. Preparing for a worst-case scenario might make you feel a little less frightened about all of this, even if it’s highly unlikely to happen. It might be worth thinking about a backup plan if your husband’s new line of work falls through. That might mean pinpointing what expenses you’d cut if needed, how long you could sustain yourselves on your savings, and whether your husband would return to his previous role or pick up interim work.

Your nervousness is totally understandable and normal. You’re taking on a big financial risk so your spouse can pursue a long‑term goal, and you should have clear conversations about the expectations after you reach that goal. If you haven’t already, talk about how your husband’s increased income will be handled. Will he contribute more toward your retirement since you’re carrying all of the financial responsibility now? How will the two of you handle childcare and household labor once his schedule changes? These can be sticky conversations, but they are also essential—not only to make sure you’re both on the same page, but to help ease some of that anxiety you’re feeling.

Dear Pay Dirt,

I live in a very expensive city. My best friend, her husband, and I have been talking about buying a house together. We are all in our 40s and looking for a forever home. We would be looking for a house with two separate suites so we’d have our own space. We would most likely buy as tenants-in-common. My best friend and I lived together in college and we are neighbors now. We spend a lot of time together and I’m not concerned about us getting along.

Barring someone wanting to sell or us having some kind of serious interpersonal conflict (I know it’s always possible but seems unlikely after so long), what other possible issues should we address before making this decision?

—Golden Girls (and Guy)

Dear Golden Girls,

Buying a home with close friends can totally work, especially when you’re all in your 40s, have a long friendship, and you’re already used to living together.

But it’s also a big commitment!

You’re already thinking about the big, obvious risks, like someone wanting to sell, or all of you having a major conflict. It’s smart to get ahead of that. But there are a few other things you’ll want to think about before you sign anything.

First, think about the logistics of shared ownership. As tenants‑in‑common, you’ll each own a defined share of the property, but you need to be clear about what that means in practice. Who pays for what? How do you split repairs, upgrades, property taxes, insurance, and unexpected expenses? What happens if one of you wants to renovate your bedroom in a way that affects the whole property? These things feel hypothetical now, but they can become sticky very quickly once you’re living in it.

You also want to consider the less-dramtic “what ifs” that might still be disruptive. What if someone loses a job and can’t cover their portion of the mortgage for a few months? What if you meet a partner who eventually wants to move in—or move somewhere else? What if one of you needs to relocate for family reasons? You obviously can’t predict the future, but you should have a plan for how to handle these kinds of things

You should also consider exit strategies just in case things don’t work out. Even if you’re all imagining this as a forever situation, life is full of surprises. Get a written agreement that spells out how a buyout would work and what kind of timeline you’d follow if someone needed to sell their share. It’s not like you’re assuming the worst, but you do want to make sure you’re not scrambling or blindsided if circumstances change.

Finally, talk about boundaries and expectations. You all may be close now, but living on the same property is different from being neighbors. How much shared space do you want? How much privacy? How do you want to handle noise, guests, pets, or shared outdoor areas? The idea is to get ahead of any potential conflict that might come down the road.

This sounds like a great situation. Buying a home with friends can be a wonderful way to stay in a community with people you love while also building a life for yourself. Just make sure to take the financial side of things seriously. The stronger the agreement you put in place now, the more freedom you’ll all have to enjoy the parts of this situation that appealed to you in the first place.

—Kristin

More Money Advice From Slate

I’m at a crossroads in my career and could use some advice. Currently, I’m in a role with Company A, which while not perfect is pretty good. The possibility for long-term growth is there and the benefits are great. The pay could use some work—I still live paycheck to paycheck despite a management role—but we get two small bumps annually. Bonuses are arbitrary and not goal or sales-based. Company B is trying to poach me, and I’m looking at a significant five-figure increase in my pay.

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