Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband, “Harold,” has two adult children from his first marriage. Both of them are married, each with three kids all under the age of 8. Four years ago. we retired and moved into our dream home. Every Easter since then has been a nightmare for me.

Harold has his kids and their families come over and leaves me in charge of making all the food and coordinating an Easter egg hunt in our backyard while he kicks back and visits with them. This year I’ve had it—I booked myself a stay at a spa out of town and plan on leaving the day before, turning off my phone, and not returning until after the holiday is over. Am I within my rights to do that?

—Easter Grinch

Dear Easter Grinch,

Have you ever let Harold know that you resent doing all this work by yourself every Easter? Of course it should be obvious to him (and to every man who doesn’t do their share of domestic labor). But I still think it’s better to at least try to address the issue directly, so he knows it’s a problem and can course-correct if he chooses. It could make all future holidays go better for you as well. If you’ve already tried talking to him and he’s still expecting you to pull off a magical Easter all by yourself, then by all means, reclaim your time, take off, and enjoy the spa.

Dear Care and Feeding,

Years ago, my mother abandoned our family for a drug and alcohol addiction. I was 8 years old at the time and my younger sister, ”Lily,” was all of 2. As a teenager I would come to learn that, a few years after our mother bailed on us, she landed herself a lengthy jail sentence for a car accident that resulted in a fatality when she got behind the wheel while under the influence.

I hadn’t given her a thought for years when out of the blue last week I received a call from her. I don’t know how she tracked me down, but she is now freshly out of prison and claims to want a relationship with me. I want nothing to do with her and told her never to contact me again. The issue I’m now facing is that the story my dad gave Lily was that our mother died in that car crash. I went along with it all these years because at the time I thought it was the best approach. Now I realize that once she was old enough, Lily should have been told about where our mother has really been all this time. More importantly, she needs to know now in case our mother tries to contact her as well. Our dad died from cancer a little over two years ago, so this will all be on me to explain it to her. Can you suggest a script to help soften the blow?

—We Need to Talk

Dear We Need to Talk,

I don’t know if there’s any way to soften the blow, but I think it’s best to give your sister the facts and not beat around the bush: “Our mother is alive. Dad told you she wasn’t because you were so young, and he thought it would be best for you.” Then apologize for your part in this deception: “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth before.”

And then I think you need to let your sister have whatever reaction she’s going to have. Acknowledge her feelings. Don’t try to make her feel better about being lied to. Don’t try to make excuses for not telling her before. If she has any questions for you, answer them truthfully.

You can also let your sister know that your mother tried to contact you, and that you don’t plan to have a relationship with her. If your sister feels differently, she has a right to make a different decision. If she asks for your mother’s number, you shouldn’t keep it from her.

You can absolutely plan out how your side of the talk will go: how you will give your sister this information and how you want to show up for her emotionally during that conversation. But there is no way to predict her side—to know exactly how she will feel, or what she will say, or what she might want where your mother is concerned. So try to acknowledge and accept whatever she feels or however she reacts, and be ready to listen to and support her going forward as best you can.

—Nicole

Classic Prudie

My boyfriend of five years and I recently finished a six-week break from our relationship so that he could work through some of his personal issues and decide whether to take the next step and get married. In a previous conversation, we discussed the difficulty of sexual monogamy, and I mentioned that I would consider letting him sleep with a random stranger once every year or five years to make things easier. Well, during this break, he did just that.

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